December already

I know I have done a poor job at updating this. I have no excuses really. But, a reply I made to a post on facebook made me think I needed to expand on my thoughts and what better place than here, right?

As I have mentioned before we are doing the snowbird thing…wintering in Florida. Well, we are paying for our lot for 6 months starting in November. I insisted we come home for Christmas as I was not ready to spend the holidays away from my kids (who are grown by the way). So, we arrived home late Saturday night, and will head back to Florida around the 27th or so.

My dad worked for a major airline when I was a kid. TWA to be exact. We move numerous times, and didn’t have family around. 90% of our holidays when we were kids, it was just my parents, my sister and I. Sometimes my grandmother (my mom’s mom) would come. But generally, it was just us.

Then I grew up and joined the military and met my husband. The first 4 years of marriage we were overseas. We had Christmas in November, or early December…whenever my parents could make it over. Once we were stateside, we lived on the other side of the country from my inlaws, and a few states away from my parents. My parents came to us some years, but if we travelled, we alternated between my parents in Texas, and his in Michigan. Generally, his parents didn’t come to us (their other grandchildren had no other grandparents in their lives and they couldn’t leave them for the holidays). It is what it is, you know?

So now, my daughter leaves 45 minutes away and my son 3 hours away. The past 2 years they’ve come over on Christmas Day. They both have significant others, so I know they won’t be alone on the holidays, but I am honestly not sure if I am ready for it to be just the two of us yet. Am I doing this for them, or for me?

Just putting that comment on Facebook, and writing this here has me in tears. I’ve not really expressed these feelings to anyone before. I am sure if my motherinlaw sees my comment on Facebook, she will probably call my husband. It has always irritated me that we were expected to come to them. Even now…they will travel to see my niece, but don’t drive this way to see my two kids. They have their reasons, but my kids feel snubbed. Perhaps that is another reason I can’t not be with them at the holidays….maybe I have a little guilt or feeling I am abandoning them?

This turned out much longer than I planned, but it does feel good to get this out there.

I hope all of you are doing well. Hang in there…2020 is almost over and *fingers crossed* 2021 will be a much better one.